ZEAL

At a certain point one is tethered to the endeavor enough that even failure becomes a kind of victory. As painful and discouraging as it is, nothing ignites fervor quite like failure, and there is indeed great satisfaction in seeing oneself power on after defeat in tempered severity. Even the failure of doing this isn't absolute, the reeling hopelessness can be turned around into a pheonix event, and must be.

The question then arises how one reaches this level, of making relentlessness a foundational axiom of ones being. This I do not know, perhaps here is where my narcissism enters. It seems likely that one can come to a point of having from a point of not - the theurgy of refurbishing ones psychic foundation is shrouded in mystery to say the least, but in times of great tribulation, when structures of self-identity and relation to the world come into question or are wholly shattered, then it seems as if one can carve straight into the bedrock. Now. few things appear as dangerous as attempting this, the apparent ways to trigger a renovation of this sorts seem directly self-destructive. To pursue an endeavor however, something risky and difficult, that one truly believes in and which as such constitutes a part of this vital scaffolding...